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Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer.

yo mama's teeth so yellow that when she smiles everyone sings, "i got sunshine on a cloudy day".....

At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy's ear. "There!" he said proudly. "I bet your Mum can't produce eggs without hens, can she?" "Oh yes, she can," said the boy. "She keeps ducks."

yo mama is so fat you could use her belly button as a wishing well...

Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.

Coleman moved to Wyoming and was sitting in the unemployment office applying for a job. "Have you any experience in coal mining?" asked the clerk. "Yeah, in Pennsylvania," he replied. "They're using that new safety lamp down there now, aren't they?" "Ah don't know, mister," said Coleman. "I worked on the day shift."

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone who's a gorilla expert. When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs. The man says,''What are all of those for?'' The animal control officer says, ''I'll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists.'' The man asks,''What is the gun for?'' The animal control officer responds, ''If I fall first, you shoot the dog!'''

What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them ? Mice Krispies !

Mother: Jared, get your little sister's hat out of that puddle. Jared: I can't mum, she's got it strapped too tight under her chin!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Hippie Barbie ...complete with simulated controlled substances and paraphernalia

What happened when the chicken ate cement ? She laid a sidewalk !

What is yellow and goes click-click? A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older? Wizard: With luck, yes. Witch:

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."

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Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business.

What do you get if you cross a Rolls Royce with a vampire? A monster that attacks expensive cars and sucks out their gas tanks.

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !

What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? You're not owld enough.

The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results. The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.

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