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It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the cou rt without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life. He gasped, "I don't understand it!" The young beauty answered, "Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck."
How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes? Hold up your arm and say 'Go back, you didn't say 'May I?''
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife".
What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.
Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand? A: Yes Judge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995? A: Oral.
"Do you love me more than you love sleep?" "I can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"
Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
Why do aardvarks make undesirable neighbors? Because they always have their noses in other people's business!
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back!
Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it back,' Sam said.
Knock Knock Who's there ? Cheese ! Cheese who ? Cheese a cute girl !
What gas do snails prefer? Shell.
What is a baseball dog? One that chases fowls.
Why didn't King Kong go to Hong Kong? He didn't like Chinese food.
Policeman: What do you think you're doing parking your car there? Motorist: I thought it was good place. It says "Safety Zone."
"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!"
Yo mamas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials.
Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out.
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth Get out of the way, your in my light!
First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
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