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Why doesn't Santa hitch his sleigh to a pig? Pigs don't have red noses.
Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.
What are spiders webs good for ? Spiders !
How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !
Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Why is the old, decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
What is cleverer than a talking cat ? A spelling bee !
Kelso met Hensley on the street. "Hey!" said Kelso, "how come I never hear from you? Why don't you call me on the telephone?" "You ain't got no tellyphone!" said Hensley. "I know," said Kelso. "But you do!"
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your head-lights, what happens?
The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning. "Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!" "The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George. "Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!
What aftershave do monsters wear? Brute.
Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
How long will a floating point operation float?
Q: Why don't men fake orgasm? A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.
What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !
Did you hear about the blonde tap dancer? She fell in the sink!
What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole ? A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !
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