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It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top. How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter." The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!" The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"
What is the difference between a dancer and a duck? One goes quick on her beautiful legs, the other goes quack on her beautiful legs.
Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom? A: By witchful thinking.
What kind of ants are very learned ? Pedants !
Why did the alien phone home on his mobile? Because it was so ET !
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent? It speaks in Polly-syllables!
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !
How I Crossed the Desert by Rhoda Camul
Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.
In what school subjects does the teacher say, 'Well done, hamburgers'? A wide range of subjects - meatyeval, history, meatematics and word grill.
Yo mama's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days ? One is a weak one and the other one week !
You said it was a great horse and it is. It took twenty other horses to beat him!
Do fish get thirsty?
What goes zzub, zzub ? A bee flying backwards !
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun!
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Tape Recording for Beginners by Cass Ette
What happens when two burgers fall in love? They live together in holy meatrimony!
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