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Where do space monsters live? In far distant terror-tory.
When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L-plate?
What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail? "That's the end of me!"
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas? Apesy daisy!
Where does a vampire take a bath? In the bat-room (bathroom).
Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? It was a tappy one!
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus." "Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."
Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off!
Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois? The first offense they give you Bears tickets and the second offense they make you use them.
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa!
Spell "pound" in two letters. Lb.
How do the fish get to school ? By octobus !
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
Boy: What's black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about what's in the tin.
Yo Mama so fat she gives herself group hugs!
What are you going to be when you get out of school? An old man!
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
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