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What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

What's the difference between an American student and an English student ? About 3000 miles !

Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head? A: Sweet fuck all.

Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab? He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers, "Taxi!"

Why did the boy become an astronaut ? Because he was no earthly good !

Did you hear about the idiot who had a new bath put in? The plumber said, "Would you like a plug for it?" The idiot replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric."

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.

What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula.

What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie? "Well, doggone !"

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween? Mash-scara!

If you drop this book in a pig pen, what should you do? Take the words out of their mouths.

What is a frog's favorite dance? The Lindy Hop.

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "I'm going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses." She quickly answered, "George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! Abraham Lincoln!"

Yo Mama is so fat...when she took her shirt off at the strip club,everyone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars

A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.

Ruby Alice walked up to the desk of a Bowling Green motel and signed the register with the letter "O." "Why'd you put that circle down?" asked the clerk. "Cause Ah can't write," replied the girl. "Why don't you sign with an 'X'?" asked the man. "Ah used to," she answered. "But when Ah got me a divorce, Ah took back mah maiden name!"

A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see," said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man." As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."

The garbage men were just about to leave the street when a girl came running out of the house carrying some cardboard boxes. 'Am I too late for the garbage ?' she called. 'No,' replied one of the men, 'jump right in !'

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup! Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.

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