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Internet Jokes Funny Profile Jokes
What surfs the Internet and goes, 'Choo, Choo'? Thomas the Search Engine.
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"
Knock Knock Who's there ! Ashley ! Ashley who ? Ashley-t's foot !
What's grey and lights up ? An electric elephant !
What is a duck's favorite TV show ? The feather forecast !
What doesn't get any wetter no matter how much it rains? The ocean
Andy was away from school for 2 days because he had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school, his teacher told him how he felt. I feel with my hands Miss !
Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire? She wanted to lay it on the line!
Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside. When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked. There was no answer. He knocked again, louder this time. There was still no answer. Finally he hammered at the door as hard as he could and heard a voice from inside the space ship saying, 'Who's there?'
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ? Big holes all over Australia !
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini." The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start ? Well first I created the sun, then the earth
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels? She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.
Why do witches have stiff joints ? They get broomatism !
Q.What do me and a mirror have in common? A.When we see your face we both crack up!
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.
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