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Cry Baby - by Liza Weeping

Knock knock. Who's there? Baby Owl. Baby Owl who? Baby Owl see you later, baby not.

Which is the only day you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitterdays (when they eat the baby-sitter instead).

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food? He wanted something to get his teeth into.

How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle.

What are baby witches called? Halloweenies.

Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one?

Would you rather have a baby brother or a baby sister? I'd much rather have a jelly baby.

Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller.

Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight?

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop.

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!

What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.

Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world? She didn't push the pram - she pulled it.

Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.

Q: What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor? A: A baby with a javellin through its head.

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.

Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper? A: Michael Jackson's hand !!


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