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They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?

Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula' last night.' 'Oh yeah,' said the other, ' what was she like ?' 'Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.' The other said, 'Yes, but what was 'The Bride of Dracula' like ?'

I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy !

My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie. 'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

Your ugly. And you're drunk. Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober !

A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. "Nothing," replied the assistant. "Nothing?" she asked, "but how can I look like a film star?" "Haven't you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon?" replied the assistant.

Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.

First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.

Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.

Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty ? Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably say 'oink, oink '!

Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And you've been engaged for such a long time!

I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match.

My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear. 'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.' 'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch ?'

What is yellow and goes click-click? A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older? Wizard: With luck, yes. Witch:

First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

What did the really ugly man do for a living ? He posed for Halloween masks !

Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ?

Who won the Monster Beauty Contest? No one.


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