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Did you hear about the flag's birthday? It was a Happy one!
Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.
What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday? A stole.
Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!
"I guess I didn't get my birthday wish." "How do you know?" "You're still here!"
What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A birthday pheasant!
What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
"Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."
What is your favourite type of birthday present? Another present!
Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.
Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake ? The candles melted in the oven.
A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, "Hello." "Are you the game warden?" she asked. "Yes." "Finally Ah've got the right person!" she said. "Could yaw'l gimme some help with my son's birthday party?"
I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20. 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'
Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday? He's trying to age disgracefully!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years." "How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked. "It's simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk."
First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday? Second boy: No, I'm having a witch do. First boy: What's a witch do? Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells.
Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.' Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.
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