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As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, 'What on earth did you do that for?' 'I wanted to know if there was room on top,' replied the man.

Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not, on my salary!

Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

What "bus" crossed the ocean? Columbus.

Which end of a bus is it best to get off? It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.

Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not, I'm in the bus queue, aren't I?

Have you seen the bus website? Yes - it's just the ticket!

Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of course!

When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs? I prefer to ride on top, but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.

Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they're stopping to let the passengers off.

Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school? I wouldn't fit through the door.

Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash.

What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.

'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn't hurt yourself? Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.

Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't sell them!

What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!

How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octobus.


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