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Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank. Why did he do that? He was trying to save time!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ? Thanks, I'll never part with it !
What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!
What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !
What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes !
What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly ?
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ? He had no body to go with !
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ? A pineapple !
I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas! Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition! That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!
What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer!
Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Christmas: That's called 'The Wizard of Ooze'!
What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song? 'Oh comb all ye faithful'
"Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?" "He said it was too tight."
ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen.
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause !
Who sings "Love me tender", and makes Christmas toys? Santa's little Elvis.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared of the Big Bad Wolf and they grow on trees! Father Christmas: You mean 'The Three Little Figs'.
How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !
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