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Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank. Why did he do that? He was trying to save time!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ? Thanks, I'll never part with it !

What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!

What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !

What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes !

What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly ?

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ? He had no body to go with !

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ? A pineapple !

I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas! Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition! That's all it's a mint with a hole!

What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer!

Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Christmas: That's called 'The Wizard of Ooze'!

What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song? 'Oh comb all ye faithful'

"Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?" "He said it was too tight."

ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen.

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause !

Who sings "Love me tender", and makes Christmas toys? Santa's little Elvis.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared of the Big Bad Wolf and they grow on trees! Father Christmas: You mean 'The Three Little Figs'.

How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !

What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !

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