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Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop into the river and drift out of sight They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy he slipped out, fell in the river and swam to freedom. They tied the noose around the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed out of the rope, dropped into the river and got away. As they dragged the third Texan to the scaffold, he resisted, "Please! Would yaw'l tighten that noose a little bit? I can't swim!"

What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar? Gimme a slug of whiskey.

The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury. "All right!" he raged, "all right! Who did it? What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue?" The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door. "It was me, shrimp," he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, "what about it?" "Oh, well, er," stammered little Pete wretchedly, "all I wanted to say was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?"

Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs? He was always horsing around.

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

Who do zombie cowboys fight? Deadskins.

Why did the cowboy's car stop? It had Injun (engine) trouble.

What do you call a cowboy who helps out in a school ? The deputy head !

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. "You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. "Pew," Charlie retorted. "Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses? Bronchitis (bronc-itis).

Visitor: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.

Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger. The cowboy from Australia says, "I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and may it cry like a baby." The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, "I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands." The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his leg.

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go." "Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?" "That you kill me first."

Where do cowboys cook their meals? On the range.

What advice to cows give? Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!

If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it? The horse's name is Friday!

Teacher: When do astronauts eat? Pupil: At launch time!

What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? Hoppalong Cassidy.

Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."


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