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Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth Get out of the way, your in my light!
"What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear. "That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don't see why not," replies the doctor. "That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."
Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet. Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease!
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him. After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over a year!"
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire. Necks please!
Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father Never mind just so long as he's healthy!
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. "Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first aid." The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair!
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ? I never make rash promises !
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!
Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible. Yes I can see you're not all there!
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!
Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee Have you tried taking the spoon out?
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm How boring for you!
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy? If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it'll probably stop whining.
Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do? Saw the legs off of your bed!
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