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Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle? Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

I don't know where you got your face from, but i hope you have the receipt.

A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip. "When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a mile," she said. "Why, was he disappointed with the view?" "No, he fell over the edge."

What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face? A mousetache.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it is the scenter (centre).

Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because it came out of the pen.

Fred: You have the face of a saint. Jill: Really? Which one? Fred: A Saint Bernard.

My teacher's got a pretty face if you can read between the lines.

What is the hottest part of a man's face? His sideburns.

Q.What do me and a mirror have in common? A.When we see your face we both crack up!

Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

Counselor: Wash your face. I can see what you had for breakfast. Henry: If you're so smart, what did I have? Counselor: Eggs. Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!

Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died. "Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face? I forgot to wet the soap.

Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

Fred's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever stop hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating her first."


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