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Q: Did you know that the three wise men were firemen? A: It says they came from afir (a fire, a far).

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: "You can't park anywhere near this place!"

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning. "Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!" "The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George. "Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

here were these 3 Riverside City Firemen who always went bird hunting together and they always rented a hunting dog name Rex from a local farmer. Rex was a great dog and would always hold point and find any birds they shoot. One year they did't go hunting and the farmer rented Rex out to some Corona City Firemen who used him that season. The next year the Riverside guys went to rent Rex from the farmer for hunting but the farmer had bad news for them. He told them Rex was no longer any good for hunting and didn't have a replacement for him and to tell the Corona firemen they were not welcome there any more and that if he saw them he would probably shoot them for what they did to Rex. The R.F.D. guys asked the farmer what the Corona boys did that could be so bad. Well the farmer said last year when they rented Rex it all started off fine until one of the Corona guys decided to rename him. We ll whats wrong with that they asked. The farmer said they renamed him CHIEF and now all he does is sit on his ass and bark all the time.

All of the firefighters at my station are quick. They're even "fast" asleep!

A fire broke out in a six story apartment building last week in a near by town. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette escaped the flames by climbing up onto the roof. When the fire department arrived they got out a blanket held it up and the Chief called out to the brunette to jump into the blanket. The brunette jumped. As she was falling 'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she landed on the street like a brick. The firefighters then held the blanket back up and the Chief told the redhead to jump. "No way! I saw what you did to my friend." exclaimed the redhead. "I am sorry" said the Chief, "My wife was a brunette and she divorced me. I just don't like brunettes. We have no problems with redheads....jump it's your only chance." So the redhead jumped. On the way down 'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she hit the pavement like a tomato!" The firefighters a gain held up the blanket and the Chief told the blonde to jump. The fire was getting worse and her only chance of survival was to jump. "No I am not jumping. I saw what you did to my two friends." "I'm sorry" said the Chief, "I explained what happened to the brunette and when the redhead jumped we were a little distracted. It will not happen again, just jump!" The blonde thought for a moment. "OK I'll jump - but first I want you to lay the blanket on the ground, back away, and then I'll jump into it."

There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory. The city company was losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the fire department that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze, and he would give 10,000 dollars to the department that got the formula. An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was put out. When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars. Suddenly a small town department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula. When asked what they would do with the money one said, "Get them damn brakes fixed we figure."

What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas ? A ladder in her stocking !

Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up.

Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good time but had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?" The Son said, "A Mickey Mouse Outfit." With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from the neighboring Fire Department.

The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars. However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave. As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, "Don't worry... it's just the dispatcher toning him out."

What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire? "Holy smoke!"

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam." Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

Q. What does CHAOS stand for? A. The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.

After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire." The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.

Q. What kind of ears do pumpers have? A. Engineers.

Q. A fireman had two sons. What did he name them? A. Hosea and Hoseb

During a big fire downtown the firemen were having a bit of trouble. A woman was stuck on the fourth floor with her baby. The fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused. Things looked grim until a tall, well-built black man burst through the crowd and shouted to the women. He said that he was a professional football player and that he could catch the baby safely. After a few minutes more of reassurances by the man, the mother finally let the child drop. The football player made a breathtaking catch, and everybody cheered. At that moment the man suddenly raised the child high in the air, spiked it on the ground and yelled, "TOUCHDOWN!!"

Q.What do you get when you cross a Fire Chief two Lotus Notes Gurus ? A. FireWeb .... of course!

Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A. The remote control slips from his hand.

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