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What do you get if you cross King Kong with a budgie? A messy cage.

What should you do if you are on a picnic with King Kong? Give him the biggest bananas.

What's big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress? Queen Kong.

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a watchdog? A terrified postman.

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog? A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.

Who is the smelliest, hairiest monarch in the world? King Pong.

What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty? "Are you my mother?"

What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk? I don't know but it could always get a seat on a bus!

If you crossed King Kong and a bell, what would you have? A ding-dong King Kong.

Why is King Kong big and hairy? So you can tell him apart from a gooseberry.

What do you get if King Kong falls down a mine shaft? A flat miner.

Why did King Kong paint the bottoms of his feet brown? So that he could hide upside down in a jar of peanut butter.

What did the big ape say when he dialed incorrectly? "Oops! King Kong ring wrong."

What do you get if King Kong sits on your piano? A flat note.

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-gong and died, what would they put on his coffin? A lid.

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben? He found time-consuming.

What is big, hairy and can fly faster than sound? King Koncord.

How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

What is as big as King Kong but doesn't weigh anything? King Kong's shadow.

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