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Men are like computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A: It changes their blood type.
What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."
Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
Men are like high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
Men are like plastic wrap. Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."
The difference between men and women A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!" The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man', Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack." "Sounds g reat," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
Men are like shag carpets. Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.
Men are like vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: "don't" and "stop".
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows, it's never happened.
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