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Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?- Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's
Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands.
How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!
How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand? On their warts.
What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anything you like ? he can't hear you.
Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer? Because he had been told to ice it.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster? HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she's posted it.
Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.
What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? 'I feel abominable.'
How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert? Bumpkin pie!
What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger? The bogeyman.
Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy." Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true!"
What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's.
What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin ? Flatman and Ribbon !
What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray.
Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.
Why did the monster take his nose apart? To see what made it run.
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.
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