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Q: How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
Q: How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.
Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? A: If we change the light bulb, we'll have to change everything.
Producer: Would you call your leading lady ugly? Director: Let's just say she'd look better on radio than on TV.
Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it's all play.
Q: How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: "Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day. Harry: Why do you say he's conceited? Fred: Well, every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he went to the window and took a bow.
Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative.' So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent's desk. `So you do bird impressions,' said the agent, `what else can you do?'
What do you get if you cross a dog and a film studio ? Collie-wood !
The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they've gotten for the cast. "First of all," he tells him, "We've got Gibson in the lead." The director is surprised, "You got Mel Gibson?" "Well, no," the Producer responds, "we got Marvin Gibson, he's a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he's very up and coming. And besides, we've also got Redford." "You got Robert Redford?" the director asks. "No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he's very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " we've got Streisand and in a singing role." "Barbara Streisand?" he asks. "No, Elizabeth Streisand." The Producer responds. "But she's got a great voice. AND we've got Goulet." "You got Robert Goulet?" the director asks. "Yeah," the producer replies glumly, "we got Robert Goulet."
Q: How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: WHAT?
Q: How many UPM's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!"
Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
What sort of animals make the best TV presenters ? Gnus - readers !
Q: How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: We don't know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.
Q: How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
Q: How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, if he's got a good crew to do it.
Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows? Because at last he was in the noose.
Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.
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