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Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day. Patron 2: I don't tip, either.
The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?" "Go down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on in."
Waiter, what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder! I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !
There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered!
"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer. "Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?" "No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."
Once a man went to a resturant and ordered an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the waiter that the egg was bad. Came the reply: "I don't lay egg sir I just lay table !"
Eulus stood in front of the take-out window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers," he said. "One with onions, and one without." The counter man: "Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know, do you serve crabs? We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!
Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play requests? Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal.
Girl: How much is a soft drink ? Waitress: Fifty cents. Girl: How much is refill ? Waitress: The first is free. Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
At which fast food restaurant is a hamburger happiest? Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!
Is your food spicy Sir ? No, smoke always comes out of my ears !
Young woman sat down in small restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order. "I'll have a hamburger please." "Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added. "Make that well done." Waitres turned away again. "Torture it!" she yelled.
Two little boys were visiting their grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water." One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?"
"What's the matter with your dinner ?" "Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten !"
Three couples are dining together. The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey". The English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar". The [you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb cow".
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"
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