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A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour ? Pupil: Because it can't sit down !
Our teacher talks to herself does yours ? Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening !
Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting our waters ? Pupil: Stop taking baths ?
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!
Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant ? Pupil: Hong Kong Teacher: Why do you say that ? Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense !
Teacher : Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first ? Pupil: I want to know how it ends !
If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? One dollar. You don't know your arithmetic. You don't know my father !
What's the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.
Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
Teacher : What is the most common phrase used in school ? Pupil : I don't know Teacher: Correct !
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
Teacher: What are the Great Plains? Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!
Be sure that you go straight home after school I can't, I live just round the corner !
Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ? Pupil: Hot water !
A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: My little sister ate it!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
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