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Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!
Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight? A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!
Where do religious school children practice sports? In the prayground!
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final? Webley stadium!
Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches? They prefer cricket matches!
What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded? Bring on their subs!
Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."
Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear? Because he liked sole music!
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom ? Captain: Well, it could have been worse. Manager: How ? Captain: There could have been more teams in the league !
Why did the goal post get angry? Because the bar was rattled!
Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why's that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!
What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas? Ince pies!
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving? A: The police.
What part of a football ground is never the same? The changing rooms!
What tea do footballers drink? Penaltea!
Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied, "What's so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."
Where do footballers dance ? At a football !
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once . "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "Ummm, I found it."
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