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When doesn't a telephone work underwater? When it's wringing wet!

The phone in Rigby's Georgia farmhouse rang one evening. When he answered, the operator said, "This is long distance from Chicago." "I knowed it's a long distance from Chicago!" answered the farmer. "How come you called to tell me that?"

Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. 'Darling!' he blurted out, 'will you marry me?' 'Of course, I will, you silly boy,' she replied, 'who is it speaking?'

How do, like, really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow.

Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!

How does a cheerleader answer the phone? H-E-L-L-O!

What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you? A phone moan.

How does a baritone make phone calls? Song distance!

Party Host: Hello? Phone Caller: I'm trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her? Party Host: I'd be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?

If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get? Snappy talk.

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a night crawler? Ringworm!

What do ghosts use to phone home? A terror-phone.

How that we are engaged I hope you'll give me a ring. Of course. What's your phone number ?

Why did the girl who worked for the telephone company sing all the time? Because she was an operetta (operator).

The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you're wanted on the phone, sir." "What d'you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said 'is that you, you old fool?"

How does a lobster answer the phone? Shello?

Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?" "No!" said Crumm. "What do you want, then?" "Nothing!" "Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody. "Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates is cheaper!"

What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !

How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls? Collect!

How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony !

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