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One day a man met three beggars. To the first he gave a dime, to the second a dime, and to the third a nickel. What time was it? A quarter to three.
When is the best time to go shopping? When the stores are open.
Do you know the time ? No, we haven't met yet !
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
Customer: I'd like a watch that tells time. Clerk: Don't you have a watch that tells time? Customer: No, you have to look at it.
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time ? 2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII !
'I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock,' said the principal to a new boy. 'No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.'
If your watch is broken, why can't you go fishing? Because you don't have the time.
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yoreself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
Why do people beat their clocks? To kill time.
What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen? Time to get it fixed.
Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three o'clock. Julie: Oh,no! Counsellor: What's the matter? Julie: I've been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!
Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.
That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon.
What dog can tell the time ? A watch dog !
What are your two favourite times to party? Daytime and night-time!
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
What time is it when you sit on a pin? Spring time.
Why couldn't the clock be kept in jail? Because time was always running out.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? Time to get a new car.
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