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They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"!

When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound.

A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes.

Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay.

A couple of slates short of a full roof.

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?

When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity.

I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

You add to, not diminish, pain!

A day late and a dollar short.

They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world.

You will never be able to live down to your reputation!

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