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A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some couples in the act. When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to him was knitting. He tapped on the window and said he was with the police department then asked how old he was and the guy said, "I'm 22 sir." "Well how old is she?" the officer then asked. Looking at his watch the guy replied, "She'll be 18 in about 6 minutes."

How did rich people get their money? They were calm and collected.

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E? U and I.

First cannibal: Come and have dinner in our but tonight. Second cannibal: What are you having? First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.

Why did the python do national service ? He was coiled up !

What kind of dog can tell time? A clockshund!

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space? Because they've just had a big launch.

- How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? - That is a military secret. If I told you I'd have to kill you.

How many men does it take to open a beer? - None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."

Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge? Ghouldilocks.

Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI? A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid? Jessie: Well, it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnight.

Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs? He was always horsing around.

Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers !

What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla? Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd listen!

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"


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