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For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."
Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.
The Greatest Party by Maud D. Merrier
Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long? Because as soon as they start they get fired.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Alfred ! Alfred who ! Alfred of the dark !
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply" ? They couldn't, they were adders !
Holton sat down in a Green Bay restaurant and said to the waitress, "Do you know whether the milk from this dairy is pasteurized?" "Sure is!" she answered. "Every morning they turn the cows out to pasture."
How do ants hide from aardvarks? They disguise themselves as uncles!
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands directly next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating her snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "I know. I'm gonna get boobs too."
Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place and was sacked for the grave mistake?
Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting. Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come? The hunters were a man, his son and his grandson.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup! I know, but unfortunately we are out of turtle.
What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight? Sir Loin!
How do you catch the Easter Bunny? Hide in the bushes and make a noise like a carrot!
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"
My husband's business is rather up-and-down - he makes yo-yos.
Which burgers are dishonest? Cat-burgers! (burglars)
What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula.
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