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Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

Waiter, there is a fly in my wine ! Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!

YO momma so fat that they had to install speed bumps at all you can eat buffet

How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.

Why did the goal post get angry ? Because the bar was rattled !

Wife: Who was that on the phone? Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau. Wife: What did he say? Husband: He asked if the coast was clear...

How do you get a parrot to talk properly ? Send him to polytechnic !

What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, "Who's a pretty boy then?"

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory. The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?" "No," said the worker. "They've always been brown."

Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bull ! Bull who ? Bull the chain when your done !

Was the principal's brother really a missionary? He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity !

here were these 3 Riverside City Firemen who always went bird hunting together and they always rented a hunting dog name Rex from a local farmer. Rex was a great dog and would always hold point and find any birds they shoot. One year they did't go hunting and the farmer rented Rex out to some Corona City Firemen who used him that season. The next year the Riverside guys went to rent Rex from the farmer for hunting but the farmer had bad news for them. He told them Rex was no longer any good for hunting and didn't have a replacement for him and to tell the Corona firemen they were not welcome there any more and that if he saw them he would probably shoot them for what they did to Rex. The R.F.D. guys asked the farmer what the Corona boys did that could be so bad. Well the farmer said last year when they rented Rex it all started off fine until one of the Corona guys decided to rename him. We ll whats wrong with that they asked. The farmer said they renamed him CHIEF and now all he does is sit on his ass and bark all the time.

Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time: Where do' solutions go when a candidate gets elected?

Two men were knocking in nails to the sides of a house, one of them kept throwing them away. "Why do you keep throwing nails away" said the other. "Because they have the point at the wrong end", he replied "You fool, we could use those on the other side of the house!"

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight, Now sit back and relax. - OH MY GOD!" Silence Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I an so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said: "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.

Where did the burgers go after their wedding? On a bun-eymoon!

Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually home with the kids!

Q: Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows? A: It took her six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.


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