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Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. ...

It`s always darkest before dawn. So if you`re going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper, that`s the time to do it...

Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together...

Support bacteria -- it`s the only culture some people have!

Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok..

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato—

Anything free is worth what you pay for it

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

No one is listening until you fart. ...

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Where there`s a will ... I want to be in it.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Stand on toilet, get high on pot.

Everything takes longer than you think.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night....

He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

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