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A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

A closed mouth gathers no foot....

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

If at first you don`t succeed, skydiving is not for you....

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

I`ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.

My reality check just bounced.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works...

chess?

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

Stand on toilet, get high on pot.

Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

shiftless bastard.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can`t make him think.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


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