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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day...

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Squirrel who runs up woman`s leg not find nuts.

Experience is something you don`t get until just after you need it.

Everything takes longer than you think.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.

Never knock on Death`s door:Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

A day without sunshine is, like, night.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Experience is something you don`t get until just after you need it....


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