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Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.

He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.

Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.

Never miss a good chance to shut up....

Life is sexually transmitted.

The believer is happy. The doubter is wise.

It`s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously....

Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.

Squirrel who runs up woman`s leg not find nuts.

He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.

You never test the depth of a river with both feet.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

Don`t be irreplaceable. If you can`t be replaced, you can`t be promoted...

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works...

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don`t take life too seriously, you won`t get out alive.

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