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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

shiftless bastard.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day...

You never test the depth of a river with both feet.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.

He who fishes in another man`s well often catches crab.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Never take life seriously... Nobody gets out alive, anyway

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Never miss a good chance to shut up....

I doubt, therefore I might be.

If at first you don`t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


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