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There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them....

Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

If at first you don`t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If you think nobody cares if you`re alive, try missing a couple of car payments....

Experience is something you don`t get until just after you need it.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you`re a mile away and you have their shoes...

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

When you`re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play


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