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Never knock on Death`s door:Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato—

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire....

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

No one is listening until you fart. ...

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

The believer is happy. The doubter is wise.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can`t make him think.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

I used to be indecisive

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you`re a mile away and you have their shoes...


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